In new book, Penn Hills pastor teaches families with sick children to 'Stand'

When Jay Mitlo’s editors tried to bill his new book as a Christian memoir, the Penn Hills pastor bristled.

Yes, the book recounts his son Trey’s journey with terminal cancer, and yes, faith is woven throughout.

But above all, “Stand: Emotionally and Practically Surviving When a Child Gets a Life-Threatening Diagnosis” is a how-to guide for families facing the unthinkable — and those who want to support them.

“The general rule is, hey, just join people in their emotions,” Mitlo said. “Don’t try to fix them.”

In just over 200 pages, “Stand” takes readers through the crushing lows, cherished reprieves and sheer disorientation of Trey’s four-year struggle with neuroblastoma, a cancer of immature nerve cells that mostly affects kids 5 and younger.

About 800 children are given the diagnosis each year. Trey’s came in 2010, when he was 2.

Mitlo, now a pastor at Faith Community Church in Penn Hills, turned to Ephesians 6:13 to cope:

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

To Mitlo, standing is not winning or conquering — it’s just enduring the worst life has to offer and making it out the other side.

Each chapter of the book, which came out in November, is capped by two sections: “How to Stand” and “How to Help Them Stand.”

Mitlo offers myriad advice for immediate families, from how to set up a meal train to how to survive a child’s funeral.

For those beyond the inner circle who wish to help, Mitlo keeps it blunt. Spoiler: Surprise visitors with trays of lasagna aren’t always welcome.

“I had a woman say to me, ‘I had to use your book twice last week, and it was successful, because I didn’t say anything stupid at two different viewings,’ ” Mitlo said.

“Stand” may be Mitlo’s first book, but it’s hardly his first time writing for an audience. His personal blog dates back more than a decade.

Near the end of his son’s life, Mitlo began compiling posts and comments from a Facebook page rallying support for Trey, of course, but also the rest of the family — Mitlo, his wife, Rachel, and their kids, Joe and Bella.

Many supportive messages came from Penn Hills residents, who hosted multiple fundraisers, put in prayer calls for Trey and even funded a trip to Walt Disney World in Florida for the entire family. The family has long lived in Penn Hills, and Mitlo is a Penn Hills High School graduate.

Mitlo also is recognizable as the former high school volleyball coach, current football and basketball announcer and founder of PHFamily, a program that connects alumni with student athletes in need of essentials, such as cleats.

He spoke with TribLive after Trey’s death in 2014 about the impact of the community’s efforts.

“Am I humbled? Yes. Am I blessed? Yes. But surprised? Not necessarily,” Mitlo said. “I know how love works, and I know the people of Penn Hills.”

When all was said and done, this initial document came close to 600 pages.

He took a different approach starting in 2019, writing what would become “Stand” as a winter project. It was only last year that he connected with publisher Christian Editing and Design.

Now, he can share his hard-earned wisdom with hundreds of readers and counting who are — or know someone who is — on the same journey his family endured not too long ago.

“Grief without purpose is pointless,” Mitlo said.

“Stand” is available on Amazon and at Kindred Curl, a Penn Hills hair salon.