It used to be that when you lost someone you loved, you knew exactly where you go to pay a visit.
My father’s grave lies just next to his grandparents’, down a short road from where his parents rest in a small cemetery in the Minnesota town where they lived. I can navigate Calvary Catholic Cemetery in Hazelwood by the statuary to visit my in-laws. Left at this angel, right at that one, past the obelisk, across from the mausoleum.
But today, as more people embrace cremation, it’s a more complicated question. There may not be a marker or a plot or a niche in a columbarium. Even though some faiths, including the Roman Catholic church, frown on the practice, many people choose to scatter the ashes of their loved ones in places that held meaning for them.
It’s a sweet and understandable sentiment. There’s even an element of the biblical to it. Ashes to ashes. Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return, as it says in Genesis.
The thing is, Genesis never mentions a football field.
On Sunday, someone scattered ashes at Heinz Field during the Steelers’ win over Denver. A team spokesman said the field’s management does not permit or condone the practice.
While my husband would probably have dearly loved to have his ashes embedded in the ice at PPG Paints Arena for Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin to skate across on a daily basis, he will have to be content to stay in his urn on the mantlepiece.
This is nothing new. People have pushed the boundaries on final resting places for ashes for years, so much so that Disney even has a code for employees when someone is trying to let Dad become the latest ghost to take up residence at the Haunted Mansion.
It makes sense that this would become an issue as cremation has grown by 1,658% over 65 years, according to the National Funeral Directors Association, with no slump predicted in the future. That means a lot of people are dealing with not only their grief but a coffee can-sized container of ashes and questions about where would be the most meaningful place to release them.
What is important to remember is that the loved one in question is already gone and the act of scattering the remains, just like a funeral or memorial service, is more about those of us left behind.
So keep the ashes at home or commit to a final place you can really legally visit, like a cemetery or even a favorite spot in your own backyard. But keep the meaning personal.
Remember Dad when you go fishing. You don’t have to scatter him in the water. Remember Mom when you dig your toes in the sand on vacation without bringing her ashes to the beach.
And my husband will have to continue to appreciate the Penguins games on TV rather than being under the ice. Sorry, hon.
